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smalltownhick
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Name: Kelly
Location: United States
Gender: Female
Interests: Well, I love to read, do math (no lie), and laughing has become my new favorite hobby. I'm beginning to get a wee bit more sociable (shhh, don't tell anyone) and one of my favorite things to do now is to laugh, joke, and hang out with the many new awesome friends that God has blessed me with.
Expertise: Well, I'm good at breathing, and recently I learned to walk, talk, and chew gum at the same time. I was very proud of myself.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/15/2004
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| Exams are upon us again...you can see it, can smell it in the air...people walking around with grim expressions on their faces, bits of notes in their hands as they try to remember just a few more useless facts before their next exam.
I personally hate this week, I hate cramming for all these exams, just to get the grade I want/need. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is screaming my lungs out at midnight (which I thoroughly enjoy, don't get me wrong). Lately I've been thinking about studying for finals now verses my past 3 years here at State, and I've concluded some pretty awful things.
First of all, let me explain that I believe finals week is when the most miracles happen. Just this morning, I took an exam that I barely had time to study for the night before. I believe I did really well, not because I am just that smart, but because I had God by me all last night and during the exam this morning. It was amazing. I believe this happens with other people too, and not just to believers. I see finals week as a time when people of all beliefs, from all walks of life, turn to God as a desperate last resort and pray "God, please help me."
And I believe he does, I believe he comes through for some people, and helps them get that really good exam grade. And some people might be changed by how God showed up for them, they might see Him alittle differently, remember how God came through for them. But most times, I am willing to bet that sometimes God gets thanked for His help, but sometimes not. Some people may even leave the exam room cursing God's name because they did poorly which means God didn't come through for them like they wanted Him to.
And I remember being there. I remember the nights filled with caffeine instead of sleep, pushing myself and my body as hard as I could to get the grade I wanted. I remember only letting God be apart of the equation right before the exam, when I would sit and pray, "Lord, help me get a good grade on this exam." If it went well, I'd be thanking God in my head as I prepared to study for the next exam. If it went poorly, I yelled at God as I pushed myself even harder to do well in my next exam. I treated God, my God, as if he were a toy there for my pleasure and amusement. There to make me happy by giving me 4.0's in all my exams.
I wonder now how many times my words, my actions, were like a knife piercing His heart. How many times I must have wounded Him, and he still pursued, is still pursuing, me faithfully. I want to call God a fool, because nobody smart and intelligent would continue chasing after someone who refused to give Him any place in their life. It's as almost as if he is a child who continously puts his hand on a hot stove--as if he didn't know that if he stopped doing so, the pain would go away.
We are taught to shy away from pain. If someone or something hurts you, you make assurances that it will never happen again. We close off our hearts, hide our feelings, run away and hide ourselves from the world. But this isn't what God does--He reaches out to us still, despite the pain in His heart. Despire everything we do to Him.
He isn't a child foolishly putting his hand on the stove, He is the loving Father, the faithful Friend, the pursuing Husband, that gazes into our eyes while we place his hands on the stove.
A Sweeter Tear
"A sweeter tear has never fallen,
Than the one Jesus shed for me
When I am in pain I lash out,
At the one who calls me Blessed.
I am so blind I cannot see or hear
The sobs that rake through His chest
I cannot see his arms stretched out,
Longing to hold me tight.
I will not trust Him when He says,
"I will make everything alright."
I spit in His face, I pierce His heart,
And I wish this wasn't true, because
As he looks at me with tears in his eyes
He says, "Father, she knows not what she does."
When the pain becomes too great, I hit the ground
And let His Love wash over me.
And with tears in His eyes, He holds me tight,
Treasuring this moment with His Daughter, with Me.
A sweeter tear has never fallen
than the one Jesus shed for me."
-KW 12-11-06
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| sorry I havn't posted on here for awhile, guys...but here's my latest update!
So, this past week was the worst week I've ever had this semester...4
exams and a 12 page paper (that is worth a third of my grade) in a span
of 8 days (including the weekend)...yeah, not fun. BUT, something
really cool and amazing happened on Tuesday...I found out I got an
interview to MSU's vet program!!!! It TOTALLY made my day...yay God,
for sure! It's in alittle less than 3 weeks--on December 7th. So all
ya'll's who are reading this I will definately need your help, whether
it's helping me figure out to wear, praying for me throughout that day,
or bombarding me with any interview advice you can give (as I've never
been on one) I would more than appreciate this. I've been told by a
current vet student that all I need to do is just go in there and be
myself...which I think I can handle...kinda...I am personable, at the
very least......the amazing thing is, I wasn't even expecting to
recieve any information about interviews until next semester, which is
why it floored me so much...for once, God's timing is working a whole
lot faster than I had planned on! Yay jesus! :) Oh--and for any
of ya'll's who are free this Tuesday night me and pamela are having a
schin-dig here in our room...just a movie and pop and lots of hanging
out but if I havn't invited you already, yer invited!!! Ok, I'm feeling kinda hyper so I'm going to go and bug some people I havn't seen all weekend...God bless you all!!!
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| So, my vet school application is finally in!!! No more fretting and
worrying and correcting and worrying if I sound articulate (cuz,
yeah...I'm not)...BUT there's no more fixing and adding and making sure
that I put all of MYSELF into this thing...geez I think I'm more
worried now than before. I mean, apart of me 'knows' this is all in
God's hands, and that if God wanted me to get into Vet school I could
have screwed the whole thing up royally and STILL got accepted...but it
still scares me. The future scares me--I wonder what i will be doing in
five years...next year. I know all I'm called to do is trust and
obey...but to tell you the truth freaking out and loosing what is left
of my hair sounds MUCH more appealing...niah... Holy Spirit, please give Your peace to this troubled girl... P.S. on a happier note, I am 90% sure I passed my microbiolgy exam today!!! :) God is good all the time--all the time, God is good! | | |
| Oh God, my God
Ruler of heaven and earth
Creator of man,
Lord over all.
Praise the Father who is faithful,
Whose grace abounds
Praise the Son who has risen,
Whose mercy he freely gives
I want to sing,
I want to shout,
I want to dance in circles
Around your wonderful throne
I want to lift my hands,
Fall to my knees;
Give thanks for your love,
And the freedom it brings
The bars have been broken,
My bondage is no more
The cloud has been lifted,
The burden is gone from my soul.
I have made it through the struggle,
Through the sacrifice, brokenness, and pain
Freedom is beginning to enter within
Satan cannot hold me captive again!
Sing Hallelujah to the King of Kings!
I want to sing, (Hallelujah!)
I want to shout, (Hallelujah!)
I want to dance in circles
Around your magnificent throne
I want to lift my hands, (Hallelujah!)
Fall to my knees; (Hallelujah!)
Give thanks for your love,
And the freedom it brings Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Jesus lives.
-KW 9-11-06
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| So, apparently there's this new fang-dangled thing where you click on this link and get to pick 5 words about ME  Please do it, it'll be fun! http://kevan.org/johari?name=Kelly-Mae:+Resident+Redneck | | |
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